WEB
SITE TERMS OF SERVICE
Wow! You actually came to this
page. Our lawyers made us
include it and made us use a
precious button on our home page
to get you here. At first, we
thought the lawyers were a real
pain. But then we read the
page. What a Netwakening! It's
really important stuff. We took
the legalese the lawyers
wrote and translated it into readable
English. So be a smart
nethead and read the stuff on this
page. It could prevent you
from hearing from our lawyers, or
worse yet, from really
nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here's
the deal:
We run this site so that people like you
(and people you like)
can use it for personal entertainment,
information, education,
communication, and cybergratification.
So go ahead and browse
around all you like. You can even
download stuff from the site
but only for non-commercial,
personal use. If you do, though,
don't fool around with the
copyright and other notices all over
the stuff. They're there
for a really good reason. And don't
even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting,
reusing, re-posting, or
anything else uncool with any of the
stuff, including the
text, images, audio, and video, for public
or commercial
purposes unless we give you written permission.
And it's not
likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also
legally obligated to
[read: stuck with] the terms and
conditions listed below and
any other law or regulation that
applies to the site, the
Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los
Angeles, CA. You shouldn't
access or browse the site if you
have any problem with that,
because once you start, there's no
turning back -- you are
bound by [read: stuck with] the terms
and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten
Rules for Cybersurfers
who hang out on our site:
1.
For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on
the site
is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't
use the
stuff except how we say you can on this page or
anywhere else
on the site without our written permission.
And like we said
before, it's not likely we'll give you
permission anyway. In
fact, even if we wanted to, the
lawyers are likely to veto any
deal anyway. So it's better
you don't even ask.
2.
While we try to include accurate stuff on the site,
we're not
promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're not
promising you
anything except fun and entertainment. So if
you use stuff on
the site, you're using it at your own risk.
Don't call us if
there's a problem because we assume no
liability or
responsibility for errors or omissions on the
site.
3.
We and anybody else who helped us create, produce,
or deliver
the site are not liable for any damages you
suffer when you
use it. In particular, the lawyers want
you to know that our
disclaimer includes "direct,
incidental, consequential,
indirect, or punitive damages
arising out of your access to,
or use of, the site. Without
limiting the foregoing,
everything on the site is provided
to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT
WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER
EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED,
INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE
IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A
PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON
INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions
may not allow the
exclusion of implied warranties, so some of
the above
exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local
laws for
any restrictions or limitations regarding the
exclusion of
implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from
the
mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we
couldn't
figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers
would
accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not
responsible if
you're browsing around and the site damages
you or your
computer or infects it with any nasty viruses.
We sure hope
that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call
us.
4.
If you don't want the world to know something, don't
post in
on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else.
That's
because anything you disclose to us is ours. That's
right --
ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff
you post.
We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it,
publish it,
broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can
even send it
to your mother (as soon as we find her address).
Not only
that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how,
or
techniques you post any way we want to, including,
developing,
manufacturing and marketing products or other
stuff using the
information you post.
5.
Pictures of people or places shown on the site are
either our
property or someone else's property we're using
with their
permission. No matter what, it's definitely not
your property.
You or any of your net-friends can't use it
unless we said you
could on this page or somewhere else on
the site. And guess
what -- we won't say yes. So be careful,
Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty
laws. Be
smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6.
There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service
marks on
the site that either we own or we're using with
someone else's
permission. So don't think you have any kind
of license or
right to use them, because you don't and we're
not about to
give you one. If you don't leave them alone and
mess with our
trademarks, logos and service marks on our site,
we'll
probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the
other
trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that
we're
likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after
you for
messing around with our property or the property of
others.
7.
You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots
of
others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at
all
those sites, much less checked them out periodically to
see
what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link
to is
bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets.
Go ahead
and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8.
That brings us to what you do on our own site. While
we
occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the
posting
in our discussion groups or on our bulletin boards,
we take no
responsibility and assume no liability for the
content of
those locations or for any mistakes, defamation,
libel,
slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography,
or
profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on
our
site. And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any
unlawful,
threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene,
scandalous,
inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane
material
or any material that law enforcement types may consider
a
criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or
for
that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we
certainly
respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully
cooperate
with any law enforcement authorities or court which
might ask
us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9.
Software that we use on this Site is protected by
all sorts of
patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't
download or
send the software to anyone in the vacation
travel spots of
Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria,
or any other
country where United States has embargoed goods;
or (get this)
to anyone on the United States Treasury
Department's list of
Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S.
Commerce Department's
Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most
Wanted Internet Creeps
List (just kidding on the last one).
As if that were not tough
enough, if you live in or are a
national of any of those
lovely places, you're not even
supposed to be reading this
page, so beat it!
10.
We're also allowed to change this page and anything
else on
the site any time we want to. That's because it's
ours and we
have the programmers who can do it. If we do
change the page,
then you're bound by [read: stuck with]
those changes, too,
whenever you visit our site.
11.
If either of us wants to make something of it
and wants to
“sue” (a dirty word) then we have to follow
these rules of
engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva
Convention):
This
Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of
Arizona,
without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To
the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened
to
violate SharonIsMyMentor.com and/or its affiliates'
intellectual
property rights, SharonIsMyMentor.com and/or
its affiliates
may seek injunctive or other appropriate
relief
in any state or federal court in the State of
Arizona, and you
consent to exclusive jurisdiction and
venue in such courts.
Any
other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a
dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first
try to
resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon
mediator in
the following location: City of Tucson. Any costs
and fees
other than attorney fees associated with the mediation
will be
shared equally by each of us.
If it proves
impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory
solution
through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to
binding
arbitration at the following location: City of Tucson,
under
the rules of the American Arbitration Association.
Judgment
upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be
entered in
any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all
sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should
have seen
what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We
had to
remind them that human torture and sacrifice was
outlawed in
the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
July
1, 2007
SharonIsMyMentor.com
This
Legal Document Was Produced Using AutoWebLaw